Tag: redneck

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Owning a Home in San Francisco

There’s been lots of articles in the paper recently about owning a home being a bad thing. I was always scratching my head about this until I realized I’m one of the few people left that was born and raised in San Francisco and is STILL HERE. Most of the people you’ll find in San Francisco are lucky to have lived here for twenty years at most, so it’s time I gave you a little history lesson about San Francisco real estate.

Now for most people here they don’t remember the time when a house was affordable because they aren’t, well, old like me. I was born in 1962 and my parents had bought their four bedroom house in the Sunset in 1954 for a whopping $18,300. Yes, you saw that right, there isn’t a couple of extra zeros on that number. The builders, McKewan Construction were asking $23,500 and my parents underbid the asking price and got it. The early 50’s was a buyer’s market.

My parents never thought of selling the house and moving on. It was a home to them and you didn’t sell it every couple of years to turn a profit only to move into a bigger home that you’d again turn and sell at a profit a few years later again.

My Grandmother was always the business savvy one in the family and she consulted her lawyer who worked out a deal that because I was living in the house when I turned 18 that I could have my name added on the the title as an owner so that when everyone was gone there would be no inheritance. Smart move and if you have kids you should think about doing this. There’s nothing illegal about it and it gives your kids a pretty priceless place to live in California what with Prop 13 and all that.

Now housing prices rose a bit over the years, but it wasn’t until around the late 80’s that the prices started to soar. In the 70’s you could get the same house for around $50,000. That’s pretty much close to the cost of a Lexus today with add ons and closing costs. Somewhere around the mid 80’s the prices started to skyrocket. When my wife and I got married you could get a two bedroom for around $215,000 out in the Sunset. I know, we were looking into the idea at the time. Our first landlord got a two bedroom house with a 1 bedroom cottage house in 1994 for $205,000. It wasn’t a fixer upper either.

Prices kept going up and right before the dot bomb of 2000 my Mom’s best friend who was in real estate told us we could easily get $1.5 million for this house. Great, we were millionaire, but still trying to struggle to pay the bills. I remember having to write the check for my Mom for the property tax that year and it was $650. We were paying twice that for our two bedroom house we were renting at the time.

My friends from High School, the few that stayed around and ended up in a similar situation to myself are all doing pretty good. I’m happy for them. We had parents that thought ahead. Others can’t fathom this and the fact that the people writing for the Chronicle and Examiner never take this into account shows that they aren’t either. Probably because they weren’t born and raised here. There are lots of people who want to do away with Prop 13 so that the state can get more money from home owners, but I’m not going to stand with that group. I plan on dying in this home, probably not literally, but I want to pass this house on to our daughter when we go.

I used to hate the crotchety old guys who would sit out in front of their houses in a lounge chair watering their lawns talking about why, I remember back when we… fill in the snide comment of your choice. I want to be that guy when I’m in my 70’s. I guess it’s all because I’m a Sunset redneck at heart and I want to be around to remind people about that.

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Nurses say the darndess things.

So I was seeing my doctor this morning and as I figured he wanted me to have a blood test. I go down to the lab and get called by a nurse who’s going to take my blood and she says to me, “Oh Mr. Kauschen, where does your family name come from?” I tell her it’s the name of an eastern province in Prussia. “Have you ever visited your home country?”

OK. Wait.

She obviously hasn’t looked at a map lately, but she’s sure good with needles. As I’m telling my wife this story she blurts out, “Your home country is Jackson.” I thought for a second and she’s right. You have to go back through a whole bunch of generations to find the first immigrants in my family and they’ve called Jackson, California their home since at least the beginnings of the 1800’s. It’s been awhile since I’ve been back there but Jackson is still the same. We used to go up there every summer and my best friend there was the son of the chief of police who all the teenagers called, “Bubble Butt” and he made Jackie Gleeson in Cannonball run look like a civilized Manhattan business man in comparison. They’ve come up in the world a bit lately with their Indian Casino, but it’s still Jackson.

We used to eat outside in the hot summers there and there was always a neighbor coming into the yard while we was eating with a loud, “Hey how ya’ll doin’!” usually accompanied by something grown on their farm or backyard. So yeah, I’ve got a little country in me and I’d have to agree with my wife, Jackson is my home country and I’m a Native American. I didn’t come from anywhere else, I’m an American. Friends of mine in other countries always find it strange as to the fixation of Americans of what countries their descents came from. I guess it that we have nothing better to do that try and find ways to keep us separated. For me it’s better to say I’m an American because at least I know what I am. The area my father came from was at different times Germany, Poland, Prussia and Lithuania. Who needs all that confusion just be American and be done with it.

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Need a Guest Lecturer? Ask Me

I never brought this up before, but I’ve done my time giving lectures. I guess it started when I was asked to give an oral report in school. I liked doing that very much and as a kid I was a sponge soaking up information left and right. I’m glad I’ve kept that up because I find myself learning more now than I did in school which in and of itself could be a lecture. I have a very good knowledge of San Francisco History as well as aquarium keeping and audio recording. If you have a group that would be interested in having me as a guest lecturer email me and we can make arrangements. I’m pretty inexpensive as well. I might even do it for a free dinner.

Here are a few of the lectures I’ve given in the past.

San Francisco’s Sunset District: The Outside Lands.

Why Americans never call themselves Americans.

Why Caucasian is a meaningless term.

Getting your blog noticed.

How to turn your computer into a professional recording studio.

Setting up a planted aquarium.

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You might be a sunset redneck if…

"The half of me that ain't yore sister wants to have sex with you!"

The Sunset District is a place I’ve called home for 40+ years. It’s an odd place that’s enveloped by fog which then will switch to hot sunny day. This is the secret of the Sunset that’s been kept from the rest of San Francisco and with global warming it only gets better as there’s less fog and more sun. Now the oddest part is that beachfront property in any other city carries a high price, but in the Sunset, it’s where we have all the low income, section 8 housing.

My guess is that came from the pre-global warming days when down at the beach there were two kinds of weather, raining, and gonna rain. There were cars up on blocks in people’s front yards or if they weren’t, they were rusting from all the salt air out at the beach. Now, thanks to C. W. Nevius of the SF Chronicle it has brought the Sunset Redneck to the forefront in an article I read today. Now I don’t remember meth labs and whorehouses in the Sunset when I was growing up, but I do remember the working class people who were trying to get ahead by saving money every way they could. I’ve decided to expand on C.W.’s article [what the hell does the C. W. stand for that it sounds so horrible he has to use C.W. anyway? It just reminds me of the actress S. Epatha Merkelson. How bad is that S if Epatha Merkelson is ok?] by creating a list of things common to the Sunset Redneck. See if you qualify even if you aren’t in the Sunset.

1. You have a car up on blocks in your front yard. [bonus if it’s an olive green 1967 Cougar]
2. The last minute and a half of Freebird is the ringtone on your cellphone
3. Girls: you put your makeup on after getting on the L-Taraval or N-Judah and are finished by Sunset boulevard
4. You’ve got a freezer in your basement
5. You’ve got an electric guitar in your basement, but you don’t play guitar
6. Someone says, “The Riptide”, “Kelly’s bar and no grill” or “Club Scirrocco” and you know the bartenders.
7. A sunny weekend means you pull 2 chaise lounges onto your driveway with a cooler of Budweiser.
8. Your lawn is what gardeners refer to as “weeds.”
9. Your mama still doesn’t know ’bout that tattoo you got.

Yep, I’m a Sunset Redneck and wees good peoples.